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| It looks just like that. |
I may have missed a meeting on social etiquette, but I
always assumed if you knocked a drink out of someone’s hand you apologize and
insist on replenishing their beverage. In the space of a week I have been the
victim of two spill and runs, and on both occasions the perpetrator has not
only failed to offer me a refill, but has shown me nothing in way of remorse.
Now my self-esteem is so low that I apologize before entering the room, so where
do people get their balls to douse me in my own drink and walk off with more
brio than Al Pacino? This is my only grumble about Winter Wonderland in Hyde
Park. There are too many tuned out dumb-schmucks that are just queuing up to
moisten your winter wear with your own mulled wine. So here are a couple of
tips to help you weave through the Winter Wonderland wilderness.
Don’t try and impress your woman by throwing a
basketball from fifteen feet into a tiny hoop. Only after you have shelled out 20
quid in a fruitless bid to win a cuddly toy, will you be reminded how bad you
are at basket ball, and how little interest you have in the sport.
If you decide to invest in a marshmellow kebab
dipped in chocolate, don’t throw the box away. The chocolate puddle will harden
and you can scrape the left over’s off for an extra hit.
Don’t wear your best white Nike Air trainers.
They will end up looking like Forrest Gump’s throw-aways.
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| Don't be a numpty. |
If you get off at Green Park tube use the
underground toilets and take a safety piss. It will cost you 50p but it will be
well worth it as it’s a 15-minute walk to Hyde Park, then you will be hurdling
through people and prams like the assault course on the krypton factor before queuing
for another 10 minutes before experiencing some sweet sweet relief.
Don’t try skating backwards, it will end in
tears and a torn hammy.
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