What kind of Pat Butcher lover are you? (viz pending)

With the news this week that the BBC bosses are to relocate the square from Hertfordshire to Salford, we ask, what Pat Butcher lover personality type are you?

TYPE: Dirty Den

Although never portrayed on screen, it was often referred to as part of Pat's back story that she had brief affairs with Den Watts aka 'Dirty Den'. If your a typical Type Den then you more than likely use and abuse women like Pat. When you're not banging girls half your age, or knocking your 3rd wife down the stairs, then you're probably spending most of your time deleting your incriminating sexual history on wikipedia. Eventually you may either end up buried in the cellar of your own drinking establishment, or stranded in a fort talking to dwarves whilst beating off to Melinda Messenger running around in a low cut top and lycra.





TYPE: Patrick Trueman



Chances are you're quite charismatic. Like Dirty Den you're also partial to a bit of domestic violence, but then it is the trend. A typical Type Patrick will have a checkered past and likes to have his affairs in the work place. Your life will be pretty much revolve around other, more interesting people and whether they want to include you in their criminal proclivities, such as storing stolen alcohol and fireworks in your basement. You will possibly have to perform several DNA tests during your time as a result of your previous promiscuous endeavors, but ultimately, you couldn't give a toss about the results because you'll inevitably be off your face on Caribbean Rum.  




TYPE: Pete Beale

Again never actually happened on screen but Pete Beale slipped Pat one when she was a 16 year old prostitute. If you're Type Pete Beale, you will refer to everything female as 'treacle' and you probably enjoy a simple life. The only time you'll find yourself pre-occupied by things other than fruit and veg, is when you suspect that your children aren't from your seed and every woman in your life may in fact, be a manipulative bitch. When your love for fruit and veg narrative runs its natural course, you can look forward to a life spent in the dole queue whilst your character is killed off screen in a needless car accident.






TYPE: Frank Butcher

Frank and Pat had a sexual history as long as the Walford Canal. Unfortunately like the canal, it was filled with murky secrets and used condoms. If you are a typical Type Frank, you will consider yourself very big in the business world, when in reality, you have a dodgy car dealership and/or a lap dancing club. You're a regular heart breaker and like to come out of the woodwork every now and again just to generally do a bit of good old fashioned shit stirring.

   

TYPE: Roy Evans

If you're a Type Roy you really are amongst life's bottom feeders. You will be taking orders from a woman like Pat all day, but unlike Type Frank and Type Den, you will have a good moral core and suffer erectile dysfunction leaving you unable to play the field. Your offspring spawned from your more virile days, will be a manic depressant and will be locked into a loveless marriage before being pushed off a cliff by said wife.